Are your tastes criminally fabulous? Then this shirt was made for you.
Our “Everything I Love is Either Illegal, Expensive, or Blonde” t-shirt delivers bold sass, retro vibes, and unapologetic humor — all wrapped in a high-quality, super comfy cotton tee. Guys get it and can understand your pain. Regardless of what you are doing, this shirt says exactly what you’re thinking.
Featuring vivid vector graphics:
🚨 Police siren for “Illegal”
💸 Dollar sign for “Expensive”
💁🏼♀️ Blonde silhouette for “Blonde”
…and styled with eye-catching fonts that pop on any background.
✨ Features:
100% combed and ring-spun cotton (heathers contain polyester)
Soft feel and lightweight fit
Direct-to-garment printed for long-lasting color
Unisex sizing (see size chart below)
Perfect gift for best friends, bachelors, or more likely, recent divorcees
📏 Sizing & Fit:
True to size. For a relaxed fit, size up.
Model is wearing size M for an oversized look.
🎁 Great For:
Guys night out
Bachelor parties
Sarcastic fashionistas
Merch drops with attitude
🧼 Care Instructions:
Machine wash cold, inside-out. Tumble dry low. Do not iron on design.
🔥 Tags (Shopify SEO):
funny t-shirt for men, retro graphic tee, sarcastic tshirt, blonde girl shirt, illegal expensive blonde shirt, novelty tee, humor shirt, trending merch
Size guide
| |
SHIRT LENGTH (inches) |
CHEST WIDTH (inches) |
CHEST TO FIT (inches) |
SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) |
| XS |
27 |
16 ½ |
31-34 |
25 |
| S |
28 |
18 |
34-37 |
25 ⅝ |
| M |
29 |
20 |
38-41 |
26 ¼ |
| L |
30 |
22 |
42-45 |
26 ⅞ |
| XL |
31 |
24 |
46-49 |
27 ½ |
| 2XL |
32 |
26 |
50-53 |
28 ⅛ |
